Habits Are Behaviors, Behaviors Are Easier to Change
Habits Are Behaviors, Behaviors Are Easier to Change
Labels and Definitions
A couple of days ago, I saw a very good psychology-related short video on Douyin by Cinian Official titled “What Kind of Words Should You Absolutely Not Say to Children.”
Guest Huang Shiming gave this answer: Avoid negative language at the level of identity.
For example, if a client came to me and said, “Hey, teacher, I’m an alcoholic,” seeking psychological counseling, I wouldn’t agree with that self-definition. I’d say, “Hey, are you saying you have a habit of drinking?”
A habit is a behavior, and behaviors are easier to change.
If someone said, “I am a depressed person,” I would say, “Are you saying that you smile a little less than others?”
If my child said to me, “Dad, I’m definitely going to fail.” A statement of identity, “I can’t possibly succeed.”
I would say, “Oh, are you saying that this time you might fail?”
This creates a release (deep breath), opening up a relaxed space, and within this space, new possibilities can emerge.
Of course, they might still fail the exam tomorrow, but we now have an alliance, a shared intention to see how we can do a little better in the future. I become an ally in my child’s eyes, someone who believes in them.
Many times, whether regarding ourselves or others, we easily apply labels of identity, such as, “I am a loser,” or “He is a bad person,” and so on.
This single label of identity can create a burden of invisible pressure for years to come, even becoming suffocating. If one is lucky, they can break free, which is great. However, if they can’t escape it, it could become a vicious cycle.
Life has no boundaries; it doesn’t have so many labels. We shouldn’t define ourselves or others with such finality. The world is not simply black and white, good or bad. Many times, time is the best companion, and a positive mindset can change a lot of things.